OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer

long, building his

house and laying up supplies for the winter. The

grasshopper thinks he's a

fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is

warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or

shelter, so he dies out

in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer

long, building his

house and laying up supplies for the winter. The

grasshopper thinks he's a

fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press

conference and

demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm

and well fed while

others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the

shivering

grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his

comfortable home with a table filled

with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a

country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed

to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper,

and everybody

cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the

ant's house where

the news stations film the group singing, "We shall

overcome." Jesse then

has the group kneel down to pray to God for the

grasshopper's sake.

Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with

Peter Jennings

that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the

grasshopper, and both call

for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his

"fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and

Anti-Grasshopper

Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The

ant is fined for

failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs

and, having nothing left to

pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by

the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the

grasshopper in a

defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried

before a panel of federal

judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent

welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up

the last bits of

the ant's food while the government house he is in,

which just happens to

be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he

doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident

and the house,

now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who

terrorize the once

peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican? No! Vote Libertarian because mainstream
Republicans are just as bad as Democrats.

 

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